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1 AM. Bedtime.
The eyes are getting scratchy, and its probably time to call it. I tend to be better focused with creativity levels increasing in the evenings, I’ve been like that for as long as I can remember. I aspire to be that guy that wakes up at 5AM, gets exercise in and starts off the day with verve… I have failed in every attempt.
Lately, there’s been a neat little ‘feature’ in trying to get to sleep at night. Insomnia has returned.
Closing my eyes is like an open invitation for my grey matter to just go off, and the stream of consciousness becomes a flood.
I’ve fought this off before, so I know that it’ll pass – and maybe writing it all down will be cathartic. Who knows.
I realize in writing this that its just a laundry list of problems that I’m sure everyone has – and I’m by no means alone in this situation.
It’s really no different than anyone elses’ common thoughts/worries/concerns, and I know myself well enough to know that its nothing that I haven’t beaten in the past…
In the 2002 remake of The Time Machine – book by H.G. Wells, toward the end of the film, Jeremy Irons has a line that’s directly applicable to me these days.
“You’re a man haunted by those two most terrible words: What If?”
Now in design careers – “what if” is entirely necessary to creating… “Yeah, that’s cool – but what if we used this, over here and turned it….” Just as long as you don’t get stuck in that loop.
3:30 AM. The brain is on the 5th iteration of cataloging business models and life decisions – this is not an ideal situation.
How to practice? What to practice? Where? Make stuff – sure, but where? How much time do I have before I have to pull the trigger on decisions?
I don’t have that reserve of capital that just allows for these decisions to be made over time. I’ve had a year.
What’s sitting in front of me at present, is well – all of it, and its kicking off spontaneous divergent thinking.
Several crossroads – no deal with devil deal.
Finding, Obtaining & Securing a position.
Opportunities are out there. The AIA Billings index is increasing over the last few months and the future looks much brighter than it did a few months ago. April’s numbers are all above 50.
Contracts and inquiries are reported on the rise. Good stuff.
There may be more to that particular situation – like construction costs and materials are all over the map in terms of cost and availability, which might cause firms to staff up a little slower. 1 year on a bar joist? Yikes.
If my LinkedIn job ads are any indicator, things are popping. Or its 5 different temp agencies all trying to find the same 3 guys to apply. Either way – my email is getting spammed.
At 3AM, the brain is comforted by that – but spins off a question: Can I secure a position at a reputable firm – before the savings runs out? Hope so.
There’s also an uptick on the solo side of things. Old friends from past firms are contacting me about front-end design work again. Do I stay solo and follow that path? Do I focus solely on finding that dream job? = Brain While Loop.
If/Then…
Another divergent brain path is location. IF I manage to score this dream gig… Where will it be? Will it be safe there?
Without getting in to the nuance and politics of it – crime is up in the metro area.
At the time that I’m writing this – vaxxed or not – masks are still required in the Twin Cities. I have a claustrophobia thing that triggers an anxiety state. Its a frustrating involuntary reaction. I can get thru a trip to the store, but I have no idea what 10+ hours in an office is going to be like. If in-person interviews are any indicator – its going to take a little bit for me to find a groove.
One of the cross streets with the Employment Expressway is environment. I’ve always had a comfort level with the WFA model. Presently – I’m sitting in a room full of tech. 3 computers, couple of Raspberry Pi’s, Printer, 3D printer, and a library of data and materials – with a portable photo studio sitting in my bag across the room (see Gear & Books). I have most of the things that I need access to in order to practice.
The commute is pretty great. The last place that I was at expressed an issue with me showing up at the office after rush hour was over. During rush, my time to get to the office was anywhere between 45-60 minutes (depending on traffic/weather). That dropped to around 20 minutes after traffic thinned. My preference was for remoting into the office, clearing the morning calendar over a cup of coffee and then hitting the road. Just as productive and saved me over an hour a day that could otherwise be spent cranking out the work.
With old guard firms that measure dedication by who shows up first in the morning (and not who’s banking 80 hours that week to meet the deadline & beat the fee) that’s not going to fly.
A good percentage of my day was spent being the guerilla Revit guy in the office & teaching/troubleshooting issues that arose with the tools. It’s easier to do that if you can walk across the room rather than getting on a video call and screen sharing. I can understand that my particular value to an employer requires that my ass be in that chair when everyone else’s is – that said, the only time I was ever out of contact, I was driving.
About half the week was spent doing providing tech direction, so I was usually there well after everyone left so I could also get my stuff done.
Brain While Loop = Nobody is going to salary a guy to work 12+ hours a day, at rates that are generally below the AIA salary report already, given a competitive firm & unemployment environment. How do I overcome that? I have limited overhead as an independent – but the workload is sporadic. How do I overcome that? I’m fee competitive with the drafting farms in India already…
Sub Loop = Why is it that the jobs in the region want to bring someone on at the same rate I was making in 2009? I understand it from the firm side – but from the employee/living side, I’m kinda screwed.
The Employment Expressway, eventually hits the intersection with where to live.
There are several motivating factors for me that result in a desire to get out of my live/work studio and into an environment where I can walk around outside. Going back home and renovating Mom’s garden or helping Grandma were sooooo much better for my personal mental well-being than hiding out in the studio.
I miss clearing my head by jumping on the bike, or wandering around the park with my camera gear watching the nesting eagles. I miss being outside & I want a house.
Brain While Loop = median cost of housing in the area is $340k, single-income home ownership outside the metro area is going to be difficult to find. Subloop – WFH/WFA Loop. Find a above market-rate position that allows for remote work? Mortgages have a minimum annual income requirement. Archi Firm ‘base pay’ is less than what’s required to apply for a mortgage to afford a home in the area.
This one has a sub-sub loop. I have a divergent path that includes taking over responsibility of home ownership, but the location isn’t conducive to the typical architecture employment model. I could move tomorrow – but it involves moving to a small quiet town, 10 years behind in tech and nowhere near a large city (access to firms or a client base).
The thing that I absolutely need to figure out is: IF I move, will I still have a path to/thru this calling of architecture & technology?
You think the hinderance of trying to find a home with a single, regional-rate income is a tough nut to crack – try finding a spot, but without resources or a client base to earn an income.
Somewhere around 2AM, all of these things converge, and snarl together.
I know, I know – do what I think is best, for me and mine – right? Except that’s not really advice – that kickstarts the loop.
All of this is an unknown.
The synapses are trying to figure it out instead of just resting. Trying to find an alternate path thru this career.
It’s 4:00 in the morning, and instead of enjoying the idea that my birthday just ended – I’m stuck awake like I have been for weeks.
Building Revit libraries is self defense. Pivot, Pivot, Pivot.
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